To those who don’t know him, my fiance is a quiet guy. He doesn’t like hanging out with my friends in big groups, and rarely enjoys traveling anywhere in Beijing that requires taking the subway or bus. So when two of my friends from the US came to visit during the week of Chinese New Year, I was worried that he’d spend the week refusing to come out with us. The day after my friends arrived, I decided to take them to walk around Houhai and the Nanluoguxiang area. I asked Alex if he wanted to come, expecting him to say “No, it’s too far” or “No, it’s too boring.” To my surprise, he agreed to come!
I should have had more faith in him, because he went above my expectations and spent almost every minute with us, whether we were walking around Houhai in the freezing cold weather, or taking the subway 30 minutes away just to eat jiaozi. Later on that week, I was thinking, because he had agreed to spending the day with us that first day, I would have been okay if he didn’t want to come out the day after that. But I knew that if he had said “No” that first day, I would have been pretty upset (thinking to myself in true drama-queen fashion: “Is this what my life is meant to be? Separating my time between my husband and my friends?”), and even if he had agreed to having dinner with us on a later occasion during the week, it would not have meant as much.
I hope I’m explaining it in a way that makes sense. This is my secret tip for all the guys reading this: If your gf/SO wants you to do something, say YES first, and you might very well get a free pass later on when you want to say “No.” If you say “No” first, then your “Yes” later on might not have as much pull. It all comes back to first impressions.
To give an example, let’s say your significant other wants you to go to a family dinner on Friday and her friend’s birthday lunch on Saturday (you don’t know the friend, so why would you want to go?). Be enthusiastic about the family dinner when you agree to accompany her. That way, she’ll be in a better mood when you reject her invitation to her friend’s birthday lunch. If you were to flake out on the family and then agree to the friend’s lunch out of guilt, she’ll probably throw it in your face, sneering sarcastically, “Oh, NOW you’ll go?” Get the difference?
I know women can be confusing. Hopefully this is one less thing to be confused about.