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Something I’ve always found amusing since moving to Beijing is that whenever I tell people I majored in Psychology in college, their follow-up question is almost always along the lines of “So can you hypnotize people?” or “Are you reading my thoughts right now?” Since it’s still a relatively small field in China, the public still sees psychologists (not that I am one, I just studied psychology) as a mix between a psychic, hypnotist, and magician. Though I’m not constantly analyzing the people I meet (so don’t be paranoid, if you ever do meet me), I am constantly analyzing social situations around me. Recently, I was thinking about the topic of self-identity. I know that a lot of people identify with having a variety of “selves.” There’s the work-self, the friend-self, the home-self, etc. Some people will say that who they are with their friends are their real selves. Some people say that their home-selves are their true identities.
The more I thought about it, the more I was convinced that no one self is a “true” self. I think we just have personality traits that vary in different levels and degrees based on external influences. For example, maybe a person’s core trait is humor, but while she is extremely funny around her friends, maybe she tones it down at work so people take her more seriously. But I think there is one self that we identify with more, and it’s the one we portray when we’re in a comfortable environment, such as among friends.
It makes me wonder what people take into account when defining who they are. Would the traits they’d use to describe themselves at work be the same as how they’d describe themselves in general? For example, some people are naturally charismatic and as outgoing at work as they are with friends. I’d say I’m fairly outgoing, but I may seem less so in the office. Another thing I was wondering was, are insecure people more likely to define themselves based on how other people see them? Or rather, how they think other people perceive them?
Just a random Monday night thinking about how people’s minds work. I’d love to hear your thoughts on self-identity and the ongoing identity crisis.
“are insecure people more likely to define themselves based on how other people see them?” this was such an interesting thought… I’d say I’m quite shy myself at first but I’d never say that cause I think it’s not an appealing or positive personality trait, although sooner or later it will come across… Shyness is one of those things that you want to hide from others but at the same time you can’t avoid showing to others…
I don’t think shy is necessarily the same as insecure. Shy people, or introverts, are people who don’t need to draw energy from a crowd of people, like extroverts do. In general, they enjoy alone time. But I’d say both outgoing and shy people can be insecure.
I’ve decided I don’t like the idea of a sense of identity. Labelling who I am through personality traits without a purpose or plan once you do so is not helpful in my book. I think there is a lot more to us than our emotions or even our morals. I say this because we seem to contradict both more often than we’d like to admit. So we are more than that. Yes, I have traits, both good and bad. I want to identify these traits and capitalize on the good and diminish or even fix the bad, but they don’t define who I am. Identifying these things, if your sense of identity is attached to those traits could theoretically change who you are. But if traits come and go as you mature then are you changing or just your traits? I can change who I appear to be, but never truly change who I am. I think we need to separate who we are from what we do, even though many will say that what we do or say defines who we are, but again, how many of us have contradicted ourselves by what we do because of some reason or another. Doing that often is a trait and helps build who you are, but you can change that.
Anyway, that’s my uneducated opinion. And give me another few days or hours and I might change my opinion on the matter.
I like this different line of thinking and not having to define ourselves! I think one of the things I struggle with is, I feel like we’ve got this core sense of who we are, but we’re also constantly changing and evolving. As we grow, we learn, and that affects who we are. Great thoughts!
What an interesting subject. Firstly let me say well done for keeping this blog post nice and concise, I’d have rambled on forever!
Being in the middle of a quarter-life crisis with so many questions about who I am, where I’m going and what I’m doing with my life circling around in my head, this topic is very apt for me.
If you’d asked me about this when I was a teenager, I’d have probably spouted some dribble about how I’m always myself and I always say what I think and if you don’t you’re just fake etc. etc.
More recently however, I’ve come to understand that it’s perfectly acceptable to hide, tone down, enhance or use solely, different parts of your personality as and when you see fit.
In fact, it’s not just acceptable, to me it seems unavoidable.
If he had upset me, I would never speak to my boss in the same way I would speak to my boyfriend and I don’t want my mum and dad to see (or be at all aware of!) my personality when I’m in bed with my boyfriend. Similarly, I wouldn’t like my my colleagues to see the side of me my mum and dad see when I’m having a bad day and don’t get out of my pajamas at all.
All of this is natural, it’s very common, there’s nothing wrong with it. What’s important to me is that no matter who I’m with or where I am, I always stand by my core values and beliefs.
I think there probably should be one true self. One true version of me which can apply to every situation I’m in. There should definitely be some characteristics which run right through all of my separate selves. Some parts of me which are always me, whether I’m being a girlfriend, a daughter, a colleague, an employee or a pupil. Traits of mine which are guided by my values and beliefs and mean that no matter what I’m facing, I’ll always make a decision that reflects who I am.
Don’t ask me what they are though, I’m still figuring that bit out!!!
Thanks Michelle, a great post that got me thinking. I don’t feel like I’ve wasted my lunch break today
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Thanks for contributing your thoughts! I think it’s so interesting to think about, especially since as we grow, we’re constantly changing. Makes me wonder, if we do have a core sense of self, when does that start evolving? When we’re born?
More to think about.
My self-identity revolves around core values I’ve chosen as the person I want to be and ever-changing superficial layers to meet new challenges and explore new passions – -
But I read somewhere, long ago, when I was a teenager, that the mark of a truly gracious person was the fact that they interacted with a king and a beggar in the exact same manner – - For some reason that stuck with me – -
Gives me the freedom to live in the moment without ever feeling that I’m ‘not being myself’ –
Not an easy road to walk in my culture (USA) – I’m the same no matter who is around or the arena – this makes some uncomfortable
I’m sure I”m not always as gracious as I should be, but I try to always meet others as they are – - not what they’ve done or what they have – or what they can do for me – and I try to choose friends who have this goal, as well…
Great Monday random thoughts post!
I love that part about interacting with a king and a beggar in the same manner! Yeah…when people say “Just be yourself,” what does that mean anyway? Haha