Me and my boyfriend after watching "World of Colors" at Disneyland's California Adventures
I’ve always imagined that when I introduced my boyfriend to my family, it would be after a few months of dating, after which he would be a constant presence at family dinners, birthdays, and other events. Ideally, he would get to know my family slowly until they grew to love him as much as I do.
Unfortunately, in a cross-cultural relationship, where the guy is Chinese (and we’re dating in Beijing) and faces a slim to none chance of getting an American tourist visa, “ideal” is not always “reality.” In my case, it took a year and eight months before my boyfriend finally made it to California to meet my family and friends. It was a whole month of experiences, and a lot to wrap up in just one post. I’ll try to post here and there on various stories throughout the trip. In general, it went well. It probably helped that my mom speaks Mandarin and my sister is learning (and therefore had a live-in native speaker as her tutor for a month). My grandparents are amazing and funny and I love that they were able to communicate with my boyfriend. Somehow, he was able to understand my grandma’s made-up dialect consisting of Cantonese, Taishanese, and broken Mandarin. It was great…..in even the shortest of sentences, she was able to incorporate all three dialects =P
On my boyfriend’s side, I’m glad to say he enjoyed himself. The two differences between the US and China that he could not stop talking about were the levels of customer service in the US (“When you ask for a lemon for your water…..they bring you a whole plate!”) and the blue skies (“It’s fake. It must be fake.”). Since coming back to Beijing, he’s also noticed more that cars in China will speed up if a pedestrian is crossing the street, in order to turn the corner before they can finish crossing. It’s amazing to him that even if drivers in America don’t see you in time, they will slam on the brakes to let you cross first and then hold up a hand in apology.
On my end, I’m really glad he was able to see “my world.” I think that while the trip brought out some more differences between us, it also brought us to a new level in our relationship where we’re more willing than ever to work on those differences. The thing I love is that it’s those differences that make us special. Many of our inside jokes have to do with language, which I’ve always been fascinated with. I’m someone who loves asking questions (especially “Why?”) and dating a Chinese guy gives me the chance to ask a TON of questions as I try to understand this different culture. I’m fortunate to have a guy who is patient enough with me to answer all my questions!
More to come on our back-to-America trip!
Can't get much better than sunny San Diego =D
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Thank you so much for your response! It was really helpful~ (^_^) I will definitely follow the advice you’ve given me.
Hi, I am an American girl (also from SoCal) living in Nanjing and I want to take my Chinese boyfriend home to meet my family too. Everyone tells me that he has an almost impossible chance of getting a tourist visa. If you wouldn’t mind, could you please share a little about your boyfriend’s visa application proccess? It would be much appreciated! Thank you~
Hi Katrina! Sorry for the delayed response. In my boyfriend’s case, it was a bit easier because his company sent him to the US on a business trip so he was able to get a business visa, as well as take some time to visit with my family and friends. What I will say is, it’s easier now than it has been before. Especially because the American economy is at a low point and Chinese people have money =P Your best bet is to have a family member be a “sponsor” for you. This website is pretty helpful: http://www.path2usa.com/visitor-visa-guide/documents-for-sponsor. One thing I would advise you on is, when your sponsor (let’s say one of your parents, for example), writes the invitation letter, make sure they’re inviting him as your FRIEND, not your boyfriend. It’s a bit of a red flag if you bring your Chinese boyfriend, because he has more of a reason to stay and not go back to China (you). I don’t think your boyfriend needs a specific amount of money in his bank in order to go, as long as his American sponsor provides financial documents. And make sure he has proof of ties to China, such as a letter from his employee, proof of a house or car if he has it, pictures of him with his family, etc.
Honestly, the US gov just wants to make sure he’ll come back to China. My boyfriend was asked five questions: 1) How long are you going to the US? 2) Who is paying for your trip? 3) Where did you go to school? 4) Do you have an apartment in Beijing? and 5) Where are your parents? After he answered those questions, the visa officer said “Ok!” and stamped his papers. I hope that helps, let me know if you have any other questions!
Great post! Looked like you guys had fun while in America and so happy to hear everything went well between your boyfriend and family…:)
PS – I was laughing my head off when he mentioned about the blue skies, ie, “it must be fake”.
Thanks! It was really fun, and good to get away for a while. Sometimes you just need a break from here, ya know? =P
Great that your boyfriend finally had the chance to visit your family and friends. I hope that someday in the future I would have the chance to show Finland to my boyfriend. Luckily he have alreaydy met my mother and my youngest brother, so he has the first connection to my family.
That’s great your mom and brother got to meet him =) How are things going?